Author: Hannah Nation

If I believed in Christianity, I would be totally a disciple of God. I would obey what God tells me to do, and from this perspective I think I would have better relationships with others. In the long term, it would give me some surprises. 

Recently, as I have grown older, I’ve realized everyone has his or her own problems. They don’t show it; they bury it in the bottom of their heart. That is why we should show more kindness and more generosity to other people.

I can describe myself as always having believed there is an ultimate God, an ultimate existence, being. But I am not sure what it is. Actually, honestly, if I said this in China people would think I was weird. It’s true. They think all religious people are weird. So I want to know how Christians touch God. Even though I am not very sure about what God is, I want to learn how Christians touch God. So this is my personal reason. I want to look at God from the Christian perspective.

I think the saddest time happened after my graduation from graduate school. My first job was working as a civil servant in government. But soon I discovered it was a very boring job and because I worked in a confidential department, my freedom was limited. I was restrained from traveling abroad and from traveling to other provinces. So I decided to quite very quickly and it was really a war to quite. Both of my parents and all of my relatives rejected my decision. But I still insisted on quitting.

Most Chinese people, especially in our parents’ generation, are not believers. They are atheists. China has a long tradition of being a secular society for a long period of time. Because we were a society based on an agricultural economy, this kind of society lacked mobility. People lived together. So it was very important for the government and for big families to make sure every person was taken care of. So Confucian values are social values to help Chinese people deal with relationships between people. 

Generally, I am pretty optimistic. But there are also times I can feel a little bit weak. But I’m learning to control my emotions. My father has always been unsatisfied with me because he thinks I have not experienced great failure in my life. But though I disagree with him, I still feel that to some extent he is right. But it’s very natural because every time you face something that makes you feel sad, you need time to make yourself adjust to it. If only I can energize myself again, I think it’s good.