Author: China Partnership

Because of the importance of having face—wanting to present themselves in the best way—a lot of times they focus on what is happening on the outside, but miss the heart. That is a big gap we see. They parent their kids the way they were taught as a child. Chinese emphasize doing good for others in order to maintain relationships, and the goal of personal duty is to achieve good in community. There is a heavy emphasis on personal behavior and sacrifice. We also grew up in the teaching that if we did not do well outwardly, we would be punished. These values affect the understanding of the connection between God and themselves when they become Christians. They understand God in a very legalistic way: “I have to do this; if I don’t, God will punish me.” Although their theology tells them otherwise, they live their lives focusing, not on God’s grace, but on that they did something wrong. “God is punishing me, that is why I lost my job. This is happening because I am not doing well and I’m not pleasing God.” We are indoctrinated into that way of living.

When kids engage in sinful behaviors, we need to address both the heart and the behaviors. We do this by helping them understand the problems of their behavior, the connection between their hearts and their behavior, how the behaviors reveal their relationship with God, correcting them, and inviting them to rebuild their relationship with God. Discipline (this is not the same thing as spanking) is also used, not as a means of punishment, but to help the children to realize their sinful actions break down their relationships with both men and God. Consequences that fit the crime are given to help the children remember the effects of sin. However, the conversation needs to continue, to help the children realize the cross is much bigger and covers their sin. Parents need to help children to realize there is hope after admitting their sin, and our merciful, patient, loving Father invites them to go back to him. Discipline of sinful behaviors is not the final solution—inviting them to rebuild a relationship with God is.