Editor’s note: This is a firsthand account of Tan Jian’s experience in a Chinese prison cell, where he was interred because of his religious activities. In this account, he talks about the concept of face, which is very important in Chinese society. Although he lost face before others in this jail cell confrontation, Tan says he does not need to have “face” as others see it. Because of Jesus, he has all the esteem and respect he needs.

Spiritual Battle

It was the second night of my first appearance in court. After the trial, I learned from my lawyer that my wife had also been taken away. She was detained in another facility, under the same conditions as me. The children were left behind at home alone, together with another young female believer. That woman was disabled and critically ill, awaiting treatment, in desperate need of my wife’s company. I can’t imagine how they are coping. That same night, my wife also suffered punishment: she had to stand duty in the detention room, and fainted while doing so!

I wasn’t prepared to fight back, but I was ready, nonetheless. I would not engage in a physical struggle, but I knew that a spiritual battle was no less than a physical brawl.

That night, amidst the peak of summer’s heat, we crossed the rugged path of our struggle. Inside the iron bars of my own cell, an inmate suddenly stood up. Lifting the nearby stool with his hands, he aggressively rushed towards me.

Just a few days before, I saw the same thing happen between two other thieves in my cell. That day, the plastic stool shattered immediately, and the other prisoners pounced as well. When that happened, I pressed the alarm, the other prisoners surrounded and jostled me. I summoned all the strength in my heart, and told them that each of them is made in the image of God. I told them I did not want anyone to be beaten – including them!

When I said that, the prisoners stopped. But the man started towards me again. The prisoners couldn’t forget how I had interfered in their previous fights. They were frustrated with my interference that day, coupled with my preaching about God and Jesus and the cross they despised. They were willing to choose hell, and interpret the will of the cross as cruel malice.

As the prisoner stood up, I stood, also. I wasn’t prepared to fight back, but I was ready, nonetheless. I would not engage in a physical struggle, but I knew that a spiritual battle was no less than a physical brawl. As he pushed me against the wall, I felt myself losing my balance. Inside, my soul was swashing like a liquid. In the hands of another, even for just a second, time slowed down, like a long dream.

The other man tried to show authority, to stop me speaking. He spoke, explaining his actions: “When I didn’t hit you, I gave you face.”

My Countenance and Glory

I suddenly came to my senses and found the other prisoner had let go and stepped back. It was all just a bluff. Someone else pulled him back. Taken together, all things conveyed how formidable the man was. But my own counterattack was about to begin. I loudly proclaimed the same thing I had said before: “I glory in God!”

The other man tried to show authority, to stop me speaking. He spoke, explaining his actions: “When I didn’t hit you, I gave you face.”

But I said, “I don’t need face. I lost my face a long time ago!”

The Lord Jesus is my face; the Lord Jesus is my countenance; the Lord Jesus is my glory.

My God has no face among them. My Lord has been slapped among the prisoners. The soldiers mocked our Lord Jesus, putting a crown of thorns on him and then a purple robe. What use do I have for my own face? What use do I have for the hypocritical, prison-affiliated face?

The Lord Jesus is my face; the Lord Jesus is my countenance; the Lord Jesus is my glory. Not only is Jesus my glory – he is the radiance of God’s glory, and the exact imprint of God’s nature. God has shone in my heart. I have known and seen that Jesus Christ is the image of God, with the true light of God’s glory on his face.

Tan Jian is a pseudonym for a house church pastor in northern China.

Pray that those who suffer for the gospel will experience the glory and honor of Jesus, even when they are shamed by those around them.