Author: China Partnership

I know there is nothing God cannot do. But my [lack of] confidence has affected my service. It’s one of the most dangerous things, to be a preacher in China. If you live in China for a long time, you’ll discover that the Communist Party, they don’t give you warning, they don’t go through procedures. They just come and take you.

There was an old pastor from Hong Kong who told me I needed to go to seminary. He shared his story with me, of how he was willing to give up his salary to go to seminary and become a preacher. He encouraged me as well. I was still fearful, I thought I needed to raise my family and make money. If I went to seminary, who’s going to give me money? 

People would talk about, “Oh, humans are sinners.” But they never talked about what a sinner actually is. Before, I thought, “I’m a pretty good person.” And then all of a sudden, I knew I was no good. I had a bad habit, and I knew that was no good. All of a sudden I thought, “Oh! I understand!” At the same time I thought, “This is what I need.”

“When we are renewed by the gospel, then the whole church — from our ministry culture to our ministry direction — will become united, and things will be easier. I cannot do it all by myself. I believe this is no longer a generation in which it is possible for one person to lead or influence the church of an entire region. We need to move forward as a community.”

My wife and I were on our guard against anything to do with faith. We didn’t want to accept anything like that. But this neighbor, this sister, she was really wise. She loved our daughter. My wife and I would fight and quarrel, and my daughter was hurt by it all. This neighbor was really great to my daughter. She would buy her small gifts, snacks and things to eat, toys. This sister would also take our daughter to church.

At that time, if we knew that this family went to burn incense or that family went to worship, we would stop and tell them, “This is no good.” It’s not just that we ourselves didn’t believe in anything, we would also try to make others disbelieve. I had an atheistic worldview. 

Before I knew Jesus, I was a prodigal son. My mother is a Christian. She used to pray for me day and night, for about ten years. During those ten years, I had fallen into being a part of society’s debauchery, just like the prodigal son in the Gospel of Luke. In that almost decade-long period, I could not find my life’s purpose or direction. In the months before I put my trust in the Lord, I felt the significant emptiness of my heart. I had sought my own happiness by living the way I lived, but I was not happy, and I had no peace.