In the midst of such challenge, I could not pray, “Thy will be done.” I was anxious I would become bitter and resent God. I was afraid I would not be able to bear the call of suffering. I was like a warrior trembling on the battlefield with a sword. I tried to cheer myself, but God only showed me my own cowardice and how scary the enemy is. Yet, when I finally confronted the enemy with fear and trembling, I found the trumpet of victory had been blown, and the enemy had turned into clouds of smoke.